watch that sun set

--[flashback to april]--
this is that moment before everything changed...

some beautiful reality

so that night in april, the phone rings, twice.

suddenly there is a pain that i feel so deeply it's like empty teeth
morning grief

i need my family, and i am 6000 miles away

and. i can't go home. other obligations.

there is a blur, time passes
i don't remember a thing
except crying and packing
not only for wintery weather, but for a subletter
my life reduced to a closet

and hawaii just makes fun of me all week, i swear.
all smiley faces and sunshine while i sink into some semblance of a cocoon, some moment of immense sadness. i don't sleep for days.
and then we drive me to get on that plane, the one that takes me to a job.

i don't remember the flight at all. it's as if honolulu becomes seattle...

as if these cloudless skies are reflecting this echo inside