watch that sun set

--[flashback to april]--
this is that moment before everything changed...

some beautiful reality

so that night in april, the phone rings, twice.

suddenly there is a pain that i feel so deeply it's like empty teeth
morning grief

i need my family, and i am 6000 miles away

and. i can't go home. other obligations.

there is a blur, time passes
i don't remember a thing
except crying and packing
not only for wintery weather, but for a subletter
my life reduced to a closet

and hawaii just makes fun of me all week, i swear.
all smiley faces and sunshine while i sink into some semblance of a cocoon, some moment of immense sadness. i don't sleep for days.
and then we drive me to get on that plane, the one that takes me to a job.

i don't remember the flight at all. it's as if honolulu becomes seattle...

as if these cloudless skies are reflecting this echo inside

everything except the paper doll dress

these photos are old. and i am not a daily blogger. i'm just procrastinating doing my taxes. actually i'm in the middle of them and it's really not fun.

but fat tuesday last month was fun for some people! i was working in front of indigo, which was a great place to run into just about everyone, especially these crazy fun friends...angela, christen, and cori
i was supertame that night, just enjoying the people watching.

where oh where do you take lindsay on a hike, i ask myself. after all this rain, who wants to mudwrestle with a mountain?
so peacock flats one more time...

umm we got soaked

it was absolutely beautiful

so i returned a call,
after i calmed down. i decided it was time to be a good friend,
no matter what.


take a long drive.

maybe two.

but no more of this bus stop business for at least a quick minute...
patience.

i'm trying to accept that patience and desire
are the only tools i require.
they've gotten me this far!
into my own car!
oh lord i am so the worst poet.
cause that sucked.
plus i can't think of a thing that rhymes with risk, and that's the other part of the equation.
...
oh well.


windows and walls.


.........................................................................
...



there's been a lot of art being made, and unfortunately on my quest to design tattoos as a commission from a friend, i found one i want!

just the green and purple plant travelling up my side might be nice...
it's from the best book ever,
Drawing Upon Nature: Studies for the Blaschkas' Glass Models

perhaps i'll look back at this in a year and still want it.
perhaps.

for now i'm a little gun.shy.


so the east...

and the north...

and whatever's inbetween
(me and feeling fine)